Sad news about our baby girl

For those of you who have not heard, I just wanted you to know that our latest attempt at enlarging our family failed this past week when the birth mother suddenly changed her mind and decided to parent the beautiful little baby girl, who we will always know as Siri Grace, last Thursday night.  She was born at 10:07 p.m. and Harald and I were both there assisting Jennifer during the delivery.  We were there for almost the entire 26 hour labor, and were with her for every push.  But apparently it was not meant to be.  We worked so hard on building a strong relationship with the birth mother over the past 5 months, and this feels like such a devastating and personal blow.

As you might imagine, we feel a profound, and at times overwhelming, sadness and sense of loss.  It feels like we had a daughter, and then lost her.  I vascillate between being OK and on an even keel and in emotional pain so strong that it bends me in half.  For all the grief I have experienced over the years, for friends, lovers, dear family – I have never felt this.  I can’t even begin to put words to it.  But I know that facing people is particularly hard for both of us right now.  Even though we aren’t making any decisions immediately, both of us have said this feels like it might be the end of our dream to become parents, and that only makes the grief that much more intense.  Maybe time and space will bring different results.

We have each decided to take some time off from work, just to be with one other in our process of grief and healing, and to try to figure out which pieces to pick up and put back and where.  Our faith is a constant help to us and I’ve been profoundly aware of the presence of the Holy Spirit during the past few days.  I have no doubt that God is with us. And I thank my God at all times for Harald’s presence, because I can’t imagine surviving this without him by my side.

21 thoughts on “Sad news about our baby girl

  1. Boyd, I am so very sorry that this happened, and I’m sending lots of love and energy to you and Harald.

  2. oh, Boyd, this breaks my heart. I can’t imagine the grief and frustration, but please know you have a large community (local and elsewhere) who care and want to help.

  3. Boyd, Words are not coming to me right now, just tears. I am praying for all of you right now and I am so glad that you have your faith and each other as that is what will get you through this. My heart is with you. Love KJ

  4. Boyd, I am so sorry to hear that Jennifer changed her mind. I cannot imagine the pain you and Harald are going through. I have been thinking of you and Harald the past few days and am sending you both healing rays of light and hope.


  5. Like Fran, I am glad to hear that you and Harald are taking time off to start to process what has happened – you have suffered a loss and need time and space for yourselves. I am thinking of you most deeply at this time of grief. It is quite beautiful to read the messages of support for you from your other communities – you are much loved, dear friend.

  6. Oh, Dear Boyd, I am so sorry for your loss.It is such a rollercoaster of emotion you have been on, and I can’t imagine the pain of it. I’m glad you and Harald have each other to hold on to at this time, and hope that you will be stronger as a couple thru this awful experience. Much love to you both.

  7. I am so so sorry to hear of your loss… Growing up with my mother owning an adoption agency, I know the grieving you are going through. Please know you are with us in our thoughts and prayers as you are go on this journey. Let us know if you need anything.

  8. Boyd, thinking of you and Harald and wishing it didn’t have to hurt so much. Sending much love & concern.

  9. Boyd,
    I’m so sorry things turned out this way. You and Harald would have been so good for Siri. Lots of people love you both and I hope that brings you at least a little comfort.

  10. Boyd,
    I’m so glad that you and Harald decided to take some time off from work to be together during these difficult days.
    You’re both in my thoughts and prayers.

  11. I am so sorry to hear that! Travis and I will pray for you both, and I hope for you that all is not lost. Hopefully it is in God’s will for you to be parents some time in the future.

  12. I am so sorry to hear this, Boyd. May the Spirit speak to you, and bring you & Harald healing and peace.

  13. We are all thinking of you here at work, Boyd. Take time to heal and reflect. Your soul is strong and Harald will ground you. Peace will come…

  14. Boyd, I am so sorry to hear about your loss, you helped me when I lost my mother last year and I Thank you for that. Try to remember that without the two of you she may not have been born as healthy and beautiful as she is. Take the time you need.


  15. Boyd,

    Having experienced the loss of a child in a different way (with our four miscarriages), I can relate in some small way to what you and Harald are feeling. Wishing you both peace and hope. And know there is a light at the end of this — we have friends who had the baby for two weeks, only to have the mom take her back, and they are now proud (and permanent!) parents of a gorgeous baby boy. Hang in there,


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